1. Eat a high protein breakfast on the big day.  You’ll need energy whether you are hosting the feast or dining out.  Treating yourself to a proper, nutritious breakfast in the morning will ensure you’re not ravenous by the time the turkey is served.  

2. Make time to exercise alone each day over the long weekend.  Ask your partner, sister, mother-in-law, etc. to watch the little ones so you can go by yourself.  Even if it is a short walk around the block, you’ll feel like you’ve accomplished something for you.

3. Take some extra time in the bathroom.  This may be one of your only moments alone each day.  So indulge in a few extra minutes putting on your moisturizer or shaving your legs.  You’ll feel like a real person.

4. Hit the sack. Treat yourself to a little extra shut eye if you can.  Getting enough sleep will make you much more pleasant to be around and will also help control the urge to snack on leftovers.

…And a few more from Life Coach Carley Knobloch of Mothercraft Coaching:

5. Breathe.  When life stresses you out, don’t forget tobreathe.  Deep breaths neutralize your emotions, de-stress your body andoxygenate your brain so it can better help you out of your mess-du-jour.

6. Go with the flow: Your mother-in-law brings dessert…when youasked her to bring appetizers.  Though it might be tempting to stew allnight, your grumbling won’t feed your guests.  A more productiveapproach: Thank her for the pie and grab some cheese and crackers.  Youcan’t change what is, so why fight it?

7. Give Thanks: Remember what we are celebrating. Take a moment, even in the throes of chaos, to remind yourself of theabundance in your life.  Your health. Your home. Your family.  Yourfriends.  The dried-out stuffing will be instantly put intoperspective.

8. Ask for help:  There is no prize awarded to the mom who does itall on her own.  Your guests feel at ease (and flattered) when they’reasked to help and don’t have to stand idly by while you sweat and moanin the kitchen.

Fitness expert Julie B offers these thoughts…

10. Every little bit of exercise helps. Burn some extra calories by going about the holiday routine with a purpose. Whether it is lugging bags of groceries from the car yourself, putting some extra energy into cleaning the house or parking a little further away from the entrance to the grocery store or the mall, the small stuff adds up.

11. Tack on an extra 5 to 10 minutes of cardio to your workout this week. Don’t wimp out and let yourself go just because it is a holiday.   You know you are going to be challenged by the array of temptations over the weekend. So do what you need to do to keep yourself from losing ground in your quest to get fit.

And finally…

12. Have fun. If you let all of the expectations of the holiday (from preparing food to airport lines) eat away at you, you’ll miss the really important stuff: The chance to take a break from the norm and spend time with the people you love.

By Kate Kripke
It doesn’t seem to end, does it?  Just when you think you’ve finally begun to understand yourself in your new role as Mom, another layer peels away that needs attention.  For some of us, the next challenge is coming to terms with our own spiritual identities and deciding the religious upbringing of our children.  If you share the same background as your spouse, this conflict may be minimal or even non-existent.  But if you are in an inter-faith relationship and if you have chosen to bring your kids up in celebration of your spouse’s faith, then the identity work can start all over again.  And now who am I?

I know, because I am going through it myself.  I was raised Episcopalian and my husband is Jewish.  We have decided to raise our daughter, now 9 months, in the Jewish faith.  This decision was not necessarily difficult, as my husband and his family have a much deeper connection to Judaism than I ever did to being Episcopalian.  And I happen to gravitate to the values and traditions held by the Jewish community.  Yet, it has been challenging to come to terms with raising my daughter in a tradition that is not my own.  If my husband and children are Jewish and I am not, who and what does that make me?  What about Christmas and Easter and other Christian holidays?  Do I have to give up that part of myself?  Will I always feel like an outsider?  Do I need to let go of a part of myself in making this decision?

Everyone’s journey through this process is different.  Some parents choose to raise their children to celebrate the religious traditions of both parents, while others choose one or the other.   For those moms who happen to choose one different than their own, this shift in identity can be multi-layered.  A mom I know described this challenge beautifully.  Also raised Episcopalian and raising her son Jewish, she acknowledged that one of her biggest struggles comes from feeling pressure to take on the cultural identity of Judaism, as well as the religious and spiritual one.  Culturally, she thinks of herself as Italian and Hungarian.  Culturally, her husband thinks of himself as Jewish.  As a Christian, her religious and cultural identities were not one and the same.  Yet for many Jews, they are.  She asks herself how her own cultural identity will fit into that of her new family’s?  For her, letting go of this part of herself and this part of her son’s identity is not a sacrifice that is willing to make.

So…we all find our way with this challenge eventually.  For many, it simply takes time.  The most important tool in negotiating this shift is early communication with your spouse.  This is not necessarily an easy conversation to have, but the more honest, open, and upfront each of you can be from the beginning, the easier the process will be.  Conversations around religious choice and affiliation can stir up unexpected emotions, and you both should be prepared for that. 

Here are a few tips to help navigate this journey, especially through the holidays.   And remember that there are many others trying to understand themselves in this piece of motherhood too.  Good luck!

1. Take a course with your spouse that teaches the history, traditions, and belief system of your new family’s religion.  Taking it together is the key here.  He may need to brush up on his knowledge as well!

2. Not all families celebrate all parts of a religious faith.  Create family traditions that resonate with both you and your spouse.  Decide on which parts of your new family’s religion feel most important to both of you, and give extra weight to these on your list of priorities in choosing what to teach your children.  If you can relate to something personally, it will be easier to pass it on to your kids.

3.Choose a church, temple, or other religious or spiritual community that fits the new needs of your family.  You should both be involved in this process.  This should be a place where you feel comfortable and welcome even if you choose not to convert.  Get to know the community leaders.

4.Distinguish between religious traditions and family traditions.  If there are traditions that you grew up with, find a way to incorporate them into your family with or without the religious context.

5.Find ways to keep connected to your own background through stories.  Tell your kids about what happens at Grandma’s house during the holidays and explain the similarities and differences to your new family holiday traditions.

6. Find traditions from your religion that your spouse is comfortable with and let them evolve in your new family.  Perhaps you have a Christmas wreath at home with your menorah, or incorporate the lighting of candles into your Christmas celebration.  One family I know who is raising Jewish kids puts 1 gift a day into a stocking when celebrating the 8 days of Channukah.  On the 8th day, they all open their gifts together.

7.Don’t forget that this is an opportunity to create tradition and ritual that defines your family.  Be creative!  Have fun!

Social worker Kate Kripke is the owner of Wellness Strategies in the Bay Area.

I’m not a Trekkie or a science fiction buff for that matter.  But I think I had a brush with teleportation last week or something like it.  Remember the transporter that instantaneously beamed Captain Kirk and the crew from one place to another?   That’s what happened to me, as I ventured on one of my first overnight business trips since becoming a mother.
 
Everything is still a bit hazy. But here’s what I recall: One moment, I was rushing to LAX, feeling heartsick as I waved “bye-bye” to my son at 5:30AM, worrying how he and my daughter would fare when they realized I wouldn’t be tucking them in that night (and praying they would sleep through the night for my husband).   Before I had a chance to get my head around one, my anxiety and two, my guilt, I found myself pounding the pavement in mid-town Manhattan, game face on, totally unencumbered from the little hands that typically tug at my knees.   It was as if for split second, I had stepped back in time.   Dare I say, I looked polished, professional and felt like the old me was back.

Then suddenly, Poof!   After a whirlwind 72 hours, I was back in our kitchen at dawn, coaxing the kids into their high chairs for breakfast.   It felt like I had never left. And at the same time, I felt like I had been gone for weeks. 
 
I am not the only working mother grappling with the dilemma of rushing back and forth between two lives.   With 70% of us back in the saddle in some capacity, be it full-time, part-time, flex-time, work-at-home, freelance or some other hybrid, moms face the daunting challenge of needing (and often wanting) to be in two places at once.   As we wrestle with the demands of our personal and professional lives, we are asked to transform ourselves in a flash. 
 
What I struggled with last week was coming back to earth – on both sides of my journey.   My head was spinning as I prepared to walk back into my old haunts two years after taking a break from my career to be home with my children.   On the other side, back in LA, it took more than the five hour flight from JFK to shake off the high energy, high stress mode of my trip and just be “Mommy.”   We were off to story time, our toddler class and the park and I was so happy to be home.   But I was exhausted and feeling a bit off balance.
 
I asked psychologist and author Bethany E. Casarjian, Ph.D. for some ideas about smoothing the transition.   Is there a way to re-center and gear up for the demands in each distinct realm of our lives?   She assured me, it can be done.   But it requires some thought and self-coaching.
 
“When the storm of work and home demands rage simultaneously, it helps to remind myself that no matter what, there is a core of tranquility deep within me, even if it’s not readily observable, that I can call upon to carry me through,” says Casarjian, a mother of three,  and co-author with Diane H. Dillon, Ph.D. of “Mommy Mantras: Affirmations and Insights to Keep You from Losing Your Mind.”

I have featured the book on my website because there is so much of it that can be applied to all facets of motherhood. The authors suggest various short phrases or mantras that moms can turn to in moments of anxiety, frustration or anger. 

Casarjian told me that when it comes to being away from her own children, the mantra,   “Give up the Guilt” helps her let go.   On the flip side, she says, “Lock it in” is an empowering way of telling oneself to hold onto the  “the incredibly positive feelings that often accompany working…like a sense of mastery and accomplishment, external validation, and the opportunity to eat a meal without someone spilling milk on you.“

Building on Casarjian’s advice and personal mantras, here are a few ideas for those times we are pulled in two directions. I’m trying out all of them right now.

The Well Mom Guide to Being In Two Places at Once

1.  Accept it is impossible. Except maybe on Star Trek.

2.  Give yourself time to regroup. Whether it is reciting a mantra, listening to relaxing music on your commute or just taking a deep breath before you walk through the door (to your office or home), recognize that a transition is necessary.

3.   Be present. Once you make the decision to be one place or the other, be there.   We are experts at appearing to be successful multi-taskers. But the reality is that none of us fool anyone (especially our children) when we try to be all things to all people at the same time.  

4. Ask for help. There’s no shame in admitting you can’t do it all by yourself.  Sometimes the people we love are just waiting for us to ask.