By Susan Callahan, Anne Nolen and Katrin Schumann
Authors of Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too
Is the world so different today than it was for our mothers? We think so! Modern mothers are trying to be everything to everyone and it’s not doing anyone any good.
After interviewing over 500 women for our book, Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too, we came to this conclusion: the battle is no longer working mothers vs. stay-at-home mothers, feminists vs. traditionalists, or alpha moms vs. beta moms…the battle is inside us.

We are among the first generation of women who were brought up fully believing we could become recognized leaders in all areas of life: industry, politics, personal. According to The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, in the last thirty years labor force participation of mothers with children under 18 rose from 47 percent to 71 percent.  We work, we clean, we cook, we fret, we teach, we hover, we strategize, we volunteer… you name it, we do it! At each and every turn we feel responsible for the happiness of others.
What about our own happiness?
Regardless of whether we work full-time, part-time or stay at home, the following is indisputable:

➢    Ambitious women want results, whether in the home or in the office.
➢    It’s hard to tell if we’re doing a good job parenting.
➢    Often, our female role models are either outdated or illusory.

It’s no wonder we always often fail to meet our own impossibly high standards! Psychologist Dr. Helene G. Brenner, author of I Know I’m in There Somewhere, says, “Almost all women live their lives standing outside themselves, always ready to judge their bodies, their feelings and their thoughts from an external standard and find themselves wanting.”

Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too argues that modern moms need to cut themselves a break. A small shift in your attitude—from putting yourself last to sometimes putting yourself first—can make a world of difference. Aren’t you worth it?

Here are a few tips on taking some steps toward making your own health and happiness more of a priority:

1. Steal Five Minutes—wherever you are!
    The next time you have five free minutes, grab it and do nothing. Get to a meeting early and sit quietly in your car; try to forget that extra load of laundry; take a short walk; breathe deeply; pause.

2. Delegate… and Appreciate
    Let your kids make their own beds, and be OK with how they do it! If your husband makes dinner, don’t complain about the burnt hot dogs, but show gratitude.

3. Your Health Matters
    Like clockwork, you take your kids for their annual checkups, to the dentist and to specialists, but over 50% of moms we talked to said they miss mammograms, doctor’s appointments and dental checkups for themselves! Make a master list on the computer of all your checkups, specialists’ names and numbers and dates for visits and then no slacking off allowed…

By Rebecca Rodskog, Rodskog Change Consulting
There’s a conversation I have with many of my clients all too often.  It’s not about what they want to accomplish, or what they’ve already accomplished, it’s about what they’ve failed to accomplish to date.  I believe that people who want to succeed may be inherently hard on themselves, and this is a very human quality, but I have found that many of my clients have this incredible ability to beat themselves up.   And that’s what really holds them back.  

Last month we talked about 5 tools for successful growth that help you move your plan from paper to action.  The best laid plans and the best tools will get you nowhere if you do not support yourself.  I’ve learned that there are a few tenets that successful people live by, in order to keep themselves in check and on a mission of growth.  I try to use these in my daily life and of course, with my clients.

5 Tenets to Live By

1. Gratitude:  I formally stole this one from the Law of Attraction, but it’s something I had been practicing for years.  If you want good things in your life, start by being grateful for the things you already have!  Then you will not only continue to attract that but you will be living in a place of gratitude and fulfillment, vs. need and greed.

2. Love:  It’s what it’s all about.  Whitney Houston may have made it cheesy, but you have to admit, it makes sense.  Loving yourself IS the greatest love of all.  You HAVE to love yourself, and love every part of your being!  If it’s not all about love, I’m not sure what it’s about.  If you’re ever stuck, look for the love in the situation.  I learned this from my acting days – in a scene where two people are fighting, my acting coach told me that it’s more interesting, compelling and real to find the love in the scene than focus on the hate.  And it’s ALWAYS there.  How right she was.

3. Forgiveness:  Yes, I believe that we need to be able to forgive others.  It is the second greatest gift we can give as humans (next to love).  But what I’m talking about here is not just letting bygones be bygones with others – You have to learn to forgive YOURSELF!  Oh, I’d be a rich woman if I got paid for every time someone beat themselves up over something they didn’t do, or did “wrong.”  The power to let go is so immeasurable.  This ability can truly catapult you to success.  

4. Communication:  This one is so important to me that I made it a tenet, even though it’s really a “tool.” YOU HAVE TO COMMUNICATE!  Tell people what you think, feel, care about, want, love.  This is the only way to truly live in the present, and feel the success that is surrounding you.  It also breaks down barriers to success faster than a speeding bullet.  I’m so amazed by people’s fear of communication – how can anyone know what you want unless you tell them?

5. Integrity:  This is the catch-all.  Basically, live your life as you say you will.  Be true to yourself and others.  You will never experience success and joy at the level you deserve if you are not standing solidly in your own shoes.

Next Month:  Visualization:  A Trick, Technique or Both?

Got a question for Rebecca? We’d love to hear from you!
Email: heather@thewellmom.com

Rebecca Rodskog is a NYC based personal life coach, change management consultant, actress and mom.  She has worked with corporations and individuals for over 15 years helping them grow through change in the workplace and at home.  For more information, check out www.rodskog.com

By Heather Cabot, The Well Mom
Ever have one of those days when you get from point A to point B and you’re not quite sure how you got there? It’s scary when you realize that you’ve lost the time along the way.  Often, we are so immersed in our thoughts, responding to texts or email or talking on the phone, that somehow, we magically end up some place different than where we started.  Okay, don’t freak out, but this happens to me a lot when I’m driving by myself and thinking about all the things I have to get done when I get where I’m going.  Sometimes it happens when I’m jogging.  Or when I wake up on Friday morning and wonder where the days went that week.  It’s easy to just go on autopilot when we are trying to fill our lives with so much and in my case, plan, plan, plan.  So I started thinking about the little things that I do that wake me up, make me feel alive and very much in the moment.  Some of them are corny. Some of them are no-brainers.  But they are small things that help me return to the NOW (and appreciate it) when my mind is some place far, far away.

TUNE IN: There is something about singing – whether it is in the shower, with the radio in the car or around the house that makes me feel happy and silly.  It can be any old camp song or Frank Sinatra classic or Stevie Wonder. Whatever.  But somehow belting it out – especially, along with my children does wonders for my mind and my soul.   Truly, you can’t be doing anything else when you are trying to remember the lyrics to Leaving On A Jet Plane or This Land Is My Land, can you?  Now, I know you can’t do this in the office. But perhaps adding a song break to your morning or evening routine will help you shake off whatever funk you’re in.

MOVE YOUR BODY: When the babies were tiny and dusk settled in, I learned fairly early that dancing was a great way to calm their crying.  I would put one infant in a baby sling and rock the other in a bouncy chair with my foot and turn on whatever music I could find and shake my booty.  And I am a terrible dancer.  Now that I work at home, 5PM at my house is still “dance party” time.  On those days, when it is difficult to shut down my professional brain and tune into mommy time, physical movement gets me in touch with the now.   And throughout my day, whether it is taking a walk or working out vigorously, there is something about stretching my legs and getting my blood going to bring me back to the planet.

TAKE A TECH BREAK:
I met an Internet security expert recently who talked about parents asking their children to turn in their cell phones, iPhones, Blackberries, etc. at 8PM each night.  What a great idea for all of us multi-taskers.  When we aren’t constantly responding to the communications that fill up our days, we have more time for meaningful real life interactions.  Lots of companies are starting to implement Blackberry blackouts so that employees can truly take advantage of time-off.  If you aren’t checking or replying to email every two seconds, you actually can concentrate on the activity you are doing at that exact moment.  And of course, this goes for TV watching and internet surfing, too.  Take a time out and you’ll feel much more in touch.

HUG SOMEONE:
There is something really special about taking the time to express your affection to someone else in the course of your day.  You block out everything else in your brain when you give a big squeeze to someone you care about.  The focus is just on him or her for that moment.  The five seconds it takes to give your child or spouse or friend an extra hug will make you stop and exist in the very moment – no matter how fleeting.

SAY THANK YOU:
When we stop to offer this little bit of kindness, it is a pause that forces us to be in the present.  Your mind has to be focused on the moment to acknowledge your gratitude.  All it takes is being mindful of the need to offer thanks throughout your day and you are on the road to being more present.

BREATHE:
For me, one really big inhale and a forceful exhale refreshes my mind when my head is buzzing.  Try to remind yourself to get up breathe throughout the day  – step away from your desk, your telephone, your crying child and just fill up your lungs with oxygen.  Not only will this simple act calm you down.  It will remind you that you are very much alive and capable of handling anything.