By Heather Cabot, The Well Mom
A few weeks ago, I was mindlessly unpacking groceries when my two-and-a-half year old son delightfully cut through my daze.  He had spotted a special treat I had picked up for him at the store and started gushing, “Thank you, Mommy! Thank you SO much!” Then he skipped over and kissed me on the knee.  Whoever thought Goldfish crackers could evoke such bliss?  I was beaming.  For all of the times I’ve wondered how I’m doing at this motherhood thing, moments like that make me think maybe I’m cut out for the job after all. Teaching gratitude is a big priority in my book and I had no idea it would be so easy for both my kids to absorb the simple lesson.  I do believe it’s got to be an ongoing effort. With Thanksgiving around the corner, I started looking into ways to build on the foundation.  How do we keep instilling in our children the importance of being appreciative and expressing that sentiment?  How do we teach them to be thankful for the small things and the big things, too.  Here are four fun and easy ways to keep the conversation going beyond the upcoming holiday.

Share, Share, Share
As a mom of two very busy preschoolers, I am forever on the hunt for ways to entertain my kids, especially in the late afternoon.  So when I heard about The Acme Sharing Company, I had to check it out.  It’s a very cool blog by Los Angeles mom Meredith Alexander devoted to sharing ideas with fellow parents about how to raise socially conscious kids. Alexander, who also founded the charity, Milk and Bookies, says it’s never too early to talk to kids about the Golden Rule.  On her blog, families can find all kinds of suggestions for fun ways to “spend family time with meaning.”

“A great little kid activity is baking cookies and bringing them to your local fire station. Talk to your kids in the car about what firemen do and how they help and protect us,” suggests Alexander, who reminds parents that kids learn by example. “There are so many ways to give back. It all starts at home and it all starts with sharing… sharing yourself, your time, your energy, your smile,” she says.

Give Gifts That Give Back
Whether it’s a birthday, a great report card or just because, you can give your child a gift “certificate” that allows her to donate to the charity of her choice. Markmakers.org is a non-profit organization in which adults can purchase gifts that kids can use to “shop” for goods & services in need around the world. They can spread their funds among more than 40 needs/causes such as vaccines, medicine, & eyecare,  or saving animals, rain forests & coral reefs.

Party With A Purpose
Children’s birthday celebrations can be an opportune way to help kids learn about gratitude and giving back.  The party planning website Echoage.com was started by two Toronto moms who wanted to find a way to make their children’s b-day bashes more environmentally friendly and purposeful.  Using Echoage’s e-invitations, parents and kids can choose a charity and ask guests to donate to the cause in lieu of buying a gift.  “It was truly borne out of a need that we witnessed as mothers,” says co-founder Alison Smith, a mom of two.  “There is a way to make this (birthday parties) a meaningful experience and a way we can impart our values to our kids and make the world a better place,” she explains.

Thank you emails, Skype calls and texts
The technology is new – but expressing gratitude never goes out of style .  Your little one is never too young to say thank you…or watch you show your appreciation.  I underestimated how much my children would absorb the message just by putting them on the phone with Grandma and Grandpa or doing a video call with our family overseas.  With all of the digital tools at our fingertips, you can make it a fun activity to tap out an email or better yet, scan a thank you picture they’ve drawn or send a video.
 

By Susan Callahan, Anne Nolen and Katrin Schumann
Authors of Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too
Something that cropped up over and over again in our discussions with mothers was that we can get so wrapped up in our own lives, we forget to reach out to others who may need us—an acquaintance, a close-but-neglected old friend, or the larger world out there. Ironically, this unintentional closing of our minds and hearts to anyone outside our immediate, intimate circle can eventually take its toll on us by shrinking our worlds, and thereby the worlds of our children too.
It’s embarrassing to admit: Sometimes it takes suffering a setback to make you realize that you should be helping others—not only friends in need, but strangers too.

As we approach middle age, it sometimes seems as though everyone around us is suffering more and more heartache, whether because of illnesses, death in the family or divorce. When a buddy of Katrin’s unexpectedly lost her mother, her friends were there for her, right then but also during the difficult months to come. That kind of thoughtfulness and consistency means the world to someone whose unhappiness can make them feel intensely isolated. Caroline, a mother of two from Georgia, told us about her friend Jane’s depression, which had been getting worse and worse. Even her husband was powerless to help her snap out of it. It took a group of women, and their loving intervention, to help convince Jane to see a therapist and to consider taking medication.  
Friends in need are friends indeed…

People like to think of themselves as generous, compassionate and nurturing—it makes them feel good. Even if your underlying reasons for being altruistic turn out to be selfish, the effects are still hugely beneficial. Studies have shown that acts of altruism work wonders in boosting your sense of control and satisfaction. Dr. Martin Seligman, Director of the University of Pennsylvania’s Positive Psychology Center, explains in his book Authentic Happiness that the following comprise the main elements of happiness:
•    Pleasure: laughing, having fun, physical enjoyment in something like sex or exercise;
•    Engagement: the depth of our involvement in family, work, romance, or our hobbies;
•    Meaning: when we use personal strengths to serve a larger end.
Surprisingly, he discovered that pleasure is not the greatest source of happiness for an individual. “Americans build their lives around the pursuit of pleasure,” Dr. Seligman writes. “It turns out engagement and meaning are much more important.”
How great does it feel to do something kind for an elderly neighbor, or get involved in a charity full of energetic, hopeful young people? And we’re not talking baking cookies for the school’s bake sale; we mean business here. Reaching out beyond our normal circle.

Think about when you’re really down in the dumps: Everything is hard, and yet everyone else’s life seems more exciting… or at the very least, less demanding than yours. Then think about how you feel when you do something that makes someone else feel great. You feel generous and competent, as though your actions have meaning and impact. In addition, a sense of connection to others is established, which can be very powerful. After all, you reap what you sow, and the world will treat you with reciprocal kindness. A 2005 University of California at Riverside study showed that five kind acts a week significantly boosted participant’s happiness, especially if those five acts were committed on the same day. This proves that we can influence the level of our happiness and satisfaction by intentionally directing our energies to certain activities.  

There’s a catch, though. What if you just don’t have time, and this lingers on your to do list as yet another thing you just can’t seem to wrap your arms around? Is it possible to shake yourself out of this stasis and do just one little thing to give back?
We establish many positive relationships for our children through the healthy, loving connections we make with the world around us. We not only model what it means to be a good friend, but we give the kids the gift of close relationships with people other than ourselves. Our children develop a special sense of community, and will always know there are other people out there looking out for them.  
And isn’t that what helps us mothers through the hard times—knowing we’re never alone and that we can make a real difference?

Adapted from: Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too: It’s Good to Be a Little Selfish—It Actually Makes You a Better Mother. For more information visit www.momstimeouts.com