Archive for January, 2010

31 Ways to Relax

Monday, January 25th, 2010

By Jane DiLeo and Heather Berger, Women’s Health

Don’t you love it when a too-nice-for-her-own-good friend notices how busy you are and croons, “You know, you really should relax more?”  Said friend is lucky you don’t slam her head into the giant file cabinet you’re trying to organize. The thing about relaxing is that it can be just as hard to manage as everything else on your massive to-do list. You don’t have time to take a leisurely walk during your midafternoon slump or pop into a spa every other night of the week. That’s why we’ve come up with 31 quick, easy tips on how to relax — no matter what time of day it is, no matter where you are. Because the last thing you need to stress out about is not relaxing.

7:00 a.m.

Wake up every morning to what sounds like an air raid? No wonder your nerves are shot. The Timex Retro Alarm Clock Radio T247LT ($20, Timex Audio) calmly rouses you with soft music that gradually gets louder. Warning: may lead to bizarre dreams (or nightmares) about Dave Matthews.

7:12 a.m.

Feel like a head case? Take the problem by the roots: In the shower, grab your hair close to your scalp — sounds painful, but just try it — and tug up to release tension. Then rub your fingers in small circles over your entire head to stimulate blood flow, which reduces pain and stress.

7:24 a.m.

Swap your A.M. caffeine jolt for a mug of ginseng tea. A chemical compound in ginseng not only kick-starts your metabolism the way coffee does but soothes anxiety too.

7:30 a.m.

Take the dog for her morning constitutional. Studies show that doing just 10 minutes of physical activity three times a day can improve mood, relieve depression, and increase feelings of well-being.

7:44 a.m.

Eat a breakfast that’s low in fat (fat takes longer to digest and may aggravate an uneasy stomach), rich in complex carbs (to raise serotonin levels for a relaxed, calm feeling), and high in protein (which boosts brain chemicals that help you focus). Go for plain oatmeal with low-fat milk and strawberries; one slice of whole-wheat toast with low-fat peanut butter and banana slices; or a whole-grain waffle with 8 ounces of low-fat cottage cheese and sliced peaches.

7:59 a.m.

Crank up KT Tunstall’s album on the way to work. Listening to music is proven to reduce stress responses such as high blood pressure and elevated heart rate.

8:42 a.m.

Sit up straight at your desk and drop your shoulders. Good posture helps you take in more oxygen and perform better during stressful activities like timed logic puzzles — aka deadlines.

9:21 a.m.

Order a Peace Lily from ProFlowers. A recent study shows that people working near plants reacted 12 percent faster and were less stressed, based on blood pressure readings taken before and after a typing assignment.

10:53 a.m.

Obsessing about the meeting your boss rudely left you out of? Think acupressure. Use the thumb and index finger of one hand to squeeze the soft spot between the thumb and index finger of the other. Hold for three counts. Switch sides. Next: With thumb and index finger, gently squeeze each of your fingers all over. Use your thumb to rub each joint in a circular motion. Then hold each finger at its base and pull gently to stretch it, sliding your grip up the finger and off the tip. For extra benefits, use a dab of lavender oil, which can relieve anxiety and headaches.

11:35 a.m.

E-mail a friend for the hell of it: Social support has been proven to lower stress.

11:46 a.m.

Revel in evil giggles at Go Fug Yourself or browse YouTube for ridiculous videos. Laughing fits are a surefire way to stamp out stress.

12:30 p.m.

Your favorite lunch spot is a 5-minute walk away and you’re still ordering delivery? Big mistake. Get moving on that second 10 minutes of physical activity.

1:25 p.m.

While enduring an annoying phone call, do this: Sit on the edge of your chair and straighten your left leg in front of you. Exhale and bend forward from your hips, keeping your back flat and chest lifted. Hold for 2 to 10 breaths. Do the same with your right leg. This will relieve any tension built up from sitting at your desk all morning.

2:14 p.m.

Visualization reduces stress. So go ahead, picture yourself in an elevator, happily sandwiched between two hot actors of your choice.

3:22 p.m.

Attack of the afternoon blahs! Bypass the Snickers and grab a handful of dried fruit and nuts (which are just as easy to stash in a desk drawer). You’ll avoid a mood-scrambling ride on the blood sugar roller coaster.

3:47 p.m.

Keep a golf ball under your desk and rub your bare feet over it for a private foot massage. Bonus: The boss will think you play golf.

4:03 p.m.

To get oxygen flowing again, sit up straight and interlock your fingers behind your head. Pull your elbows back, stretching your upper back and chest muscles. Bring your elbows forward. Repeat.

4:27 p.m.

Still craving that Snickers? Pop a few (that’s three — not a whole bag) Hershey’s Kisses instead. Researchers at the University of Cincinnati have discovered that consuming small sugary snacks (note: not artificially sweetened ones) can relieve stress.

5:10 p.m.

Squeeze in your last 10 minute exercise session on the way home. If you commute via mass transit, get off at an earlier stop and walk the rest of the way. If you drive, go shopping on the way home — and carry those groceries yourself.

5:53 p.m.

Ditch the starchy suit and pumps for drawstring pants and a terry hoodie the minute you walk in the door.

6:16 p.m.

Sip a nice Shiraz (or any other red wine) to help you unwind: It contains antioxidants that mop up free radicals — molecules that can damage cells and are often released when you’re under stress.

6:42 p.m.

Snuggle with your kitty. Studies show that bonding with a pet — even, believe it or not, a goldfish — can help lower anxiety. How do you bond with a goldfish? We don’t want to know.

6:51 p.m.

So you’re not the Food Network’s Giada De Laurentiis. For ordinary mortals, less is more. Prepare a simple, healthy meal that doesn’t require many ingredients. See “Ten Foods, Forty Recipes“. And take leftovers for lunch tomorrow.

8:00 p.m.

When you flick on Lost, grab some knitting. Researchers at the Mind/Body Medical Institute in Boston found that repetitive activities can help calm your nerves.

9:05 p.m.

Stress makes chronic skin conditions like acne worse, but honey can make them better. The bee’s pride and joy is a moisturizer, antioxidant, and antiviral all in one sticky package. Spread a thin layer on your face and neck, let it sit for 10 minutes, then rinse off with tepid water.

9:20 p.m.

Who said you had to do yoga on the floor? Run a bath and lie back with the balls of your feet propped against the far end of the tub. With your heels touching and toes splayed in a “V,” let your knees fall open and your hands float loosely at your sides. Inhale, allowing the buoyancy of the water to arch your back gently. Pull your elbows down behind you and place your forearms on the tub bottom. Let your chin sink toward your neck and take two deep breaths. You should feel a stretch in your shoulders. Next, with your feet hip-width apart, push your toes against the far end of the tub. Raise and lower your heels, stretching your calves. Breathe in as your heels move up; breathe out as they touch the tub.

9:45 p.m.

Gently caress your guy all over until he puts down the remote. Scottish researchers have found that couples who indulge in regular sex have lower blood pressure than those who don’t.

10:12 p.m.

TiVo The Daily Show and go to bed. A 1997 University of Chicago study found that sleep deprivation reduces resistance to stress.

10:31 p.m.

Keep a notepad and pencil bedside to write down any to-dos that are weighing on your mind — it will help you let go of anxious thoughts and drift into la-la land.

10:40 p.m.

To ease your body into sleep, tense and relax all your muscle groups sequentially. Start with your toes, move to your calves, then your knees and thighs, and keep going until you get to your face. Deep relaxation has been shown to decrease anxiety.

11:00 p.m.

If you toss and turn for more than 15 or 20 minutes, get out of bed and do a calming activity, such as reading or meditation — or, what the hell, just fire up the vibrator until you feel ready for oblivion.

More From Women’s Health

Best Yoga Poses For Women

42 Ways To Simplify Your Life

Avoid A Melt Down- 4 Ways To Keep Your Cool No Matter What

Do You Have Perfect Mom Disorder?

Monday, January 25th, 2010

Trying to find my mom sea legs with 18 month old twins

By Heather Cabot, The Well Mom

It’s been almost four years since I began my crazy, miraculous motherhood journey.  Early on, I remember one of the toughest things to deal with (aside from sleep deprivation) was the pressure I put on myself to be a certain type of mother.  I’m not sure I really knew what a “perfect” mom looked like.  But whether it was agonizing over the fact that I didn’t breast feed my twins or that I didn’t make my own organic baby food or that I ended up staying at home when I had thought I would seamlessly go back to my career or that I didn’t magically fit back into my old clothes on the time line I had envisioned, I now know I spent WAY too much time stressing about what I thought I was supposed to be doing instead of embracing the experience and just going with it. Yes, like  many of you, The Well Mom did in fact, suffer from Perfect Mom Disorder.

In fact, this very website, The Well Mom, evolved from my distress over what I thought motherhood would be like and my struggle to transition to my new identity and life. I wanted to create the safe space that I craved. What I’ve come to realize in this endeavor, is that no one can make you feel confident about the choices you make except you.  More than anything, I think motherhood is about learning to listen to your gut and letting go.  And  — it is a work in progress!

Carley Knobloch, Perfect Moms Finish Last

This is why I was so happy to participate in Carley Knobloch’s insightful interview series, Perfect Moms Finish Last. Knobloch, a life coach and founder of Mothercraft Coaching in Los Angeles was actually one of the first contributing writers to this site and I was glad to help her shed some light on the pressure so many of us feel to be Supermoms.  Over the last few months, she’s spoken with 20 notable women who share from-the-trenches tips on how they stay true to who they are… and how you can too.  I was humbled to be included in the group.

“From mega-bloggers Pamela Slim (Escape from Cubicle Nation) and Beth Feldman (Role Mommy), to celebrated authors like Kathy Buckworth (The Blackberry Diaries: Adventures in Modern Motherhood) and Katherine Ellison (Mommy Brain: How Motherhood Makes Us Smarter), to successful entrepreneurs like Carley Roney (The Knot) and Liane Weintraub (Tasty Baby), there is inspiration here for any mom who needs to reclaim her individuality and trust her own intuition.   These moms illuminate the path for others who feel trapped in the “Perfect Mom” box, and want to pursue their passions and interests without doubt and regret,” explains Knobloch, a mom of two.

She says she was determined to start a long overdue conversation and sought out exemplary women who are leading the way for moms who need to rescued from “PMD” (Perfect Mom Disorder).

“These women have created a lifestyle that allows them to be EXACTLY who they are as individuals while raising their children,” says Knobloch.

Check out the free interview series at Perfect Moms Finish Last and listen in on how these influential moms:

- Decide how much (or little) to work
- Deal with feeling stuck or pressured
- How they course correct when they make mistakes
- How they battle judgment and what their “guilt triggers” are
and how they fold what they love into everything they do as parents.

So — do you have PMD or know someone who does? What are you doing about it?  Tell us about it!

Killer Apps for Keeping Resolutions

Monday, January 11th, 2010

Body BuildingBy Heather Cabot, The Well Mom

Whether you’re resolving to hit the gym, floss more, save money or meet someone new this year, there are tons of new digital tools to keep you motivated. I think the immediacy of the web is really powerful – especially now that so many people have access to mobile web on their phones. One of the resources I use on a daily basis myself is called Lose It. It’s an iPhone app that offers a very easy to use food journal and calorie counter. You can also use this in concert with LiveStrong.com or CalorieKing.com if you want to tap into a more extensive database of foods or activities or…if you have an iPhone, you can use the very cool new Daily Burn Food Scanner. You use the camera on your iPhone to scan the bar code of a food package and it enters the information into a food journal.

Never before has it been so easy to find support – especially in a moment of weakness. The real time nature of social media is huge. And with that in mind, I think Twitter is a great place to find inspiration and tips for weight loss. I follow people like @skinnyjeans, who sends out reminders throughout the day to drink water or @bookieboo who organizes her Mamavation weight loss challenges for moms on Twitter.

As I mentioned in an interview on the Today show this morning, I also think there is a lot of value to websites like Sparkpeople.com, which offers very active message boards and discussions about every possible aspect of dieting and working out. So there is a community of people and support right there to coach you along. For more serious exercisers, the Daily Mile is cool new community of athletes who motivate each other to go the distance.

As for smoking, I think HabitForge.com might be helpful. It’s a free service that emails you a reminder every day with a yes or no question – like did you smoke today? The goal is to answer “yes” for 21 days. If you don’t, the program starts you all over again back at day 1. There is also a community on HabitForge to cheer you on. I also like the iPhone app, Quitter. It’s free and offers a financial incentive for quitting by calculating how much money you save each day by not buying cigarettes. You enter how much you used to spend on cigarettes and it keeps track for you for every day you are smoke free. And then of course, there is Pledgehammer.com. which allows you to place a wager on yourself that goes to charity if you don’t follow through on your goal by a certain deadline. This is a good one for any goal you might have that is very specific.

If you are looking for a new relationship in 2010, you might want to assess your prospects with the new Date Check app for mobile phones. I stumbled onto this new service at the Consumer Electronics Show last week and was intrigued. Date Check allows the user to conduct a background check by mobile phone, including a “sleaze detector” which pulls up any public records of criminal misconduct.

And finally, since a lot of people are focused on saving more money this year and paying down debt, I think there are some great ways to stay motivated and focused using the web. Mint.com provides a financial snapshot of your net worth, spending habits and debt in one place. The service sends you handy reminders, chiding you when you pay an ATM fee, for an example. And it also offers a smartphone app. I also like SmartyPig. It’s an e-savings plan with a social media twist. Once you identify your goal, Smarty Pig allows you to make it public so that friends and family can see your progress, cheer you on and even contribute to your savings goal.

What are your killer apps for keeping New Year’s resolutions? What resolutions are you working on?

2 Minutes to a Happier You

Monday, January 11th, 2010

Courtesy of Prevention

iStock_000004057114XSmallExperts say you won’t find true joy in a paycheck or miracle wrinkle-remover. According to happiness researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, of the University of California, Riverside, life circumstances account for only 10% of happiness. Half depends on our genetic “set point,” which is kind of like the weight our body bounces back to after that crash diet. And about 40% of our happiness is influenced by what we do deliberately to make ourselves happy. Next time you need to turn around a hellish day at work or brighten up a draggy afternoon, try one of these proven tips to lift your mood and make you smile.

1. Flip through Old Photos

When you’re feeling down, break out your kids’ baby albums or pics from your favorite vacation. It may actually make you feel happier than a square of Godiva chocolate would! That’s what researchers at the United Kingdom’s Open University found after they examined how much people’s moods rose after eating a chocolate snack, sipping an alcoholic drink, watching TV, listening to music, or looking at personal photos.

The music and chocolate left most people’s moods unchanged; alcohol and TV gave a slight lift (1%), but the winner by a long shot was viewing pictures, which made people feel 11% better. To keep your spirits high at work, upload your favorite pics to your computer and set them as a rotating screensaver. Or splurge on a frame that flips through digital photos; amazon.com has plenty of options at a wide range of prices.

2. Munch on Nuts

For a mood-lifting snack, stash walnuts in your desk drawer. Or sneak salmon into your salad for lunch. They’re both packed with omega-3 fats, which may make people less prone to depression—and easier to get along with, say researchers from the University of Pittsburgh. They measured the blood levels of omega-3 fats (a reliable indicator of consumption) of 106 healthy adults and gave them psychological tests. Those with the highest omega-3 blood levels scored 49 to 58% better on the tests than those with the lowest blood levels.

3. Inhale a Calming Scent

Fill your office with a fragrant candle or diffuser to calm down during a deadline-packed day.
In an Austrian study, researchers wafted the smell of oranges before some participants and lavender before others. The two groups felt less anxious, more positive, and calmer when compared with participants who were exposed no fragrance at all. Add a few drops of either oil to a room diffuser (we like the Scentball, available at amazon.com) and use in your office on stressful days.

4. Open Your Shades

To feel happier in seconds, let the sunlight stream in when you first wake up.
One study of more than 450 women found that those who got the most light, particularly in the morning, reported better moods and sleep. Got more time? Eat breakfast near a window that gets plenty of daylight, and put exercise equipment near a bright view. Some researchers speculate that combining exercise with morning light exposure may amplify light’s beneficial effects on mood, sleep, and alertness, says Anthony Levitt, MD, a University of Toronto light researcher.

5. Walk around the Block

If you work in a windowless office, make sure you step out to see the sun a few times throughout the day.
“A couple of studies show that people who get more light exposure during the day have fewer sleep problems and less depression, and evidence suggests that light can keep you alert and productive,” says Daniel Kripke, MD, a University of California, San Diego, light and sleep expert.

If you have more time, a longer bout of exercise may also spark a smile. “Lots of people skip working out when their moods aren’t ideal because they don’t have the mental energy to switch gears,” says mental health and exercise expert Jack Raglin, PhD, of Indiana University. “But the trick lies in finding the right workout to match the mood you’re in.” When you’re battling blues, try something low-key and mindless. “Studies have shown that even mild exercise—about 40% of your max heart rate—can lift your mood,” says Raglin. “So if you’re not up for the usual high-energy stuff, do some leisure activity you enjoy, such as digging in your garden or walking in a park. View it as mental recreation, not exercise.”

If you’re angry, pick something that makes you focus. “As tempting as it may be, skip the kickboxing,” Raglin advises. “You can’t punch away anger. Instead, do something that involves your mind and keeps you from focusing and ruminating on what has you angry. Play racquetball, or take an aerobics class you’ve never tried. Learning new moves will free your mind from what’s upsetting you.”

6. Clear Away Clutter

Disorganized heaps of paper in your cube or on the kitchen counter can make you anxious.
For some, “clutter is a reminder of things that should be getting done but aren’t,” says Elaine Aron, PhD, author of The Highly Sensitive Person. “It can make you feel like a failure.” For a quick fix, straighten up a few surfaces in your office or in the areas of the house where you spend the most time. “It’s when every bit of space is messy that it’s most disturbing,” says Aron. Don’t bother to organize unless you have a chunk of time. Instead, arrange papers, books, and other detritus of daily living in neat piles or store them in baskets. “Just the illusion of order is enough to ease the mind,” she says.

7. Think Fast

Turn your thoughts into a race—it can lift the blues in minutes, says Princeton University psychologist Emily Pronin, PhD. For example, when your mother-in-law is driving you crazy, give yourself 30 seconds to make a list of all the ways she’s been helpful to you in the past—you’ll feel better fast. (If nothing nice comes to mind, quickly jot down other ways she bugs you; speed thinking negative thoughts can still improve your mood, Pronin found.) Researchers believe that rapid thinking may release feel-good brain chemicals—or it could just be a helpful distraction.

For 7 more tips that will lift your mood check out the rest of the article on Prevention.com

Related Links
10 Secrets Of Happy Women

8 Friends Every Women Needs

12 Tips To Controlling Your Happiness

Make A Sexual Resolution

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

By Heather Cabot, The Well Mom

iStock_000005058065XSmallPerhaps it’s not a new New Year’s resolution. But for some reason this year, it seems like everyone is talking about having more sex.  From Dr. Oz’s recent blog on Huffington Post (and his “national sex experiment”) to a recent column in The Guardian to a post I stumbled upon on SheKnows, the message this January seems to be that most of us are not doing it enough and that we need to promise ourselves and our partners that this year, we will make more time for intimacy.

It’s a worthy goal. But let’s get real.  It’s hard to feel sexy when you haven’t washed your hair in two days, you can barely keep your eyes open and the little ones are in the next room.  Thankfully, The Mominatrix is here to help.  She’s calling on the ranks of the sleep deprived, undersexed parents out there and rallying them to try something new in the bedroom for 30 days. In other words, commit to a sexual resolution. Each day, The Mominatrix, aka Kristen Chase, will offer a daily challenge for you to try.  Today’s fun task — go through your iTunes playlist and make a mix of the songs that get you  and your partner in

resolution_buttonthe mood.

“Having sex is not rocket science, and for the most part, we can (and probably have) figured everything out. And if not, there are plenty of websites to help us with that. But what’s lacking in the discussion is how difficult the transition from sex goddess to mom and from mom to sex goddess can be,” explains Chase.

A few months ago, I had the pleasure of meeting Chase, who blogs at Motherhood Uncensored, and is the publisher and chief operating officer of Cool Mom Picks,  a former college professor and mother of three.  Little did I realize when we performed together in Expressing Motherhood, a showcase of mom writers, that she leads an exciting double life as the Mominatrix.  I guess her monologue about getting to know her postpartum vagina should have been a dead giveaway.

Through her bi-weekly blog on the Imperfect Parent, she braves some sensitive and very personal territory for modest moms like myself who spend more time shuttling kids from here to there in work out clothes than primping and pampering for a hot date.  Her new book – The Mominatrix Guide to Sex: A No Surrender Advice Book is a really fun kick in the pants to motivate time-starved women to slip out of those mom jeans into something a bit more racy.

She says she hopes her frank, non-judgmental advice will encourage moms to perceive sex in a new way.

“I think much of the issues that surround moms and sex have little to do with the act itself, and more to do with taking the time and energy to care for themselves.I’m hoping that through this book (and through the Sexual Resolution challenge), more moms will be having way more “aha” moments,” she says.

So what do you think? Are you up for a sexual resolution in 2010?

Riding Away

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

mother child sign loveBy Carol Kaufmann, Mama Tricks

Months after my son’s first day of school, I can honestly say I haven’t moved past the initial sendoff.

The crunch of the holiday season should have pushed memories of fall on the cerebral back burner, but it’s taken some time to process that my baby is now a student. Each morning he rides off with other, bigger kids to a place where I’m not. Thinking about that initial shock still fills me with both head-swelling pride and full-blown anxiety.

At 8:20 that morning, we stand at our door, set for the big departure. It’s a crisp September morning. But I’m afraid that, somehow, we’ll miss the pint-sized preschool bus. I don’t know how small it is, exactly.

I look at Luke, my Big Proud Three-year-old in his maroon hoodie and slightly big-around-the-waist khaki pants, carrying a small canvas book bag embossed with Star Wars action figures, all ready.  How is this possible?

We’re on time, miraculously, for the big day. We’ve eaten our cereal, brushed our teeth, we’re dressed. Even Baby Sister Sara Clare—all of two—has her play clothes on. I write “we” not to imply that I am in any way together, much less ready for work, but because I still think of my kids as part of me.

I peer out over the front stoop, making sure the bus isn’t at the stoplight, though with a screen door full of transparent glass, there’s really no way I could miss it. I keep looking back at Luke to make sure he’s still there, still my little boy.

Then, he announces he wants eggs.

My God, his wheatie O’s must not have cut it because clearly I’ve not given him a good breakfast. To the pan! No time for whisking in a separate bowl that makes the eggs light and fluffy! Milk goes right in skillet on top of the sunny-colored yolks. Five minutes later, both children have scrambled eggs, buttered toast and more milk in their cups. But at 8:25 with the bus due at 8:30, there’s no time to actually dine at the kitchen table, yards away from the full-on view of the road.

“Special treat!” Mama uses the code words that capture their attention quicker than our fat cats jump at the sound of dry cat food ringing in porcelain bowls. “We’re going to make egg sandwiches, guys! On the stairs!”  In front of the door.

Anything that smacks of a picnic brings the troops to prompt attention. The kids toddle to the steps, plop down and attempt to fold a single piece of bread over their scrambled eggs. A mixed success, yellow morsels fall over the carpeted stairs and, of course, begin to grind their way in.

The kids looooovvveee eating those egg sandwiches on the steps. Big brother helps little sis by cramming tiny pinches of bread into her mouth and they’re giggling. I’m having fun, too, though I hover over Luke’s spanking-clean school clothes, all the while keeping an eye out for the bright-yellow kidnapping machine that will interrupt. I now hope it will roll merrily by.

Eggs finished more or less, we go outside. Sara immediately runs into a neighbor’s yard, out of my reach. Luke begins to dismantle a dead butterfly.

“Look, Mommy! His legs!” Luke holds up sad bugs appendages. The kids drift further away physically, but in other ways too. I try to put a positive spin on this realization and figure that with Luke’s dissecting abilities, he’ll ace biology.

Anxiety crowds in. Maybe it’s because somewhere in the recesses of our minds, mothers will always be preparing their children for the next step, though unsure about how the hell to do it. I don’t know how my little guy will react when the bus pulls up. His preschool is in our church so he’s seen his classroom, but this is different. New teachers, new kids, new smells, new structure.  Though he’s only three, school implies expectation and I don’t know if I’ve prepped him well enough to compete or thrive with his peers who will have minds and three-year-old agendas of their own. And I can’t decide if it matters.

I check the sky, actually hoping for a sudden downpour. Luke has developed a sudden fear of water and yesterday a monsoon had moved in. “It’s getting deeper!” Luke wailed at the gushing water and clung on to me. We don’t know why water scares him. I hear that toddlers develop irrational fears without warning and I pray school’s not one of them. But, here on his first day, there’s no rain. No excuse to keep him inside in my cocoon.

When the bus comes, chills run down my damp back, which always seems to have a layer of permanent sweat these days. The miniature bus looks like a third of the size of school buses I remember, with twelve tiny toddler seats, belts dangling, their buckles clacking. I love it, I hate it.

My big boy climbs on, big as you please, with Mommy escorting him, per bus rules.

“I do it myself, Mommy.” He buckles up the belt with no help from me.

Snapped in place, he smiles so big my heart crumples into a million bits. His excitement is palpable—and hopefully contagious because the other kids looked kind of dour. I click a few pics for the memory book.

Sara Clare climbs on too, and plops in the seat opposite her brother. Getting her off the bus is no easy task. “Sara go to school!” she insists.

“Next year, baby.” Or maybe never.

As the bus pulls away, I hold her on the sidewalk as we look through the small windows and see a silhouette of Luke’s curly blond hair framed in the window. His hand is waving, he’s looking straight at me. He grins like Candy Land is awaiting him. And who knows? Maybe that’s how he sees it.

At least, that’s what I’ve told myself every day since.

CK&LukeCarol Kaufmann regularly shares her “Mama Tricks” with The Well Mom. Her work has appeared in Reader’s Digest,National Geographic, The Washington Post, and in the anthology, A Woman’s Europe.  She lives in Alexandria, VA with her husband, two children and two obese rescue cats.

13 Ways To Keep Losing

Saturday, January 2nd, 2010

By Kimberly Dawn Neumann, Women’s Health

Buy fish, veggies, and gym membership in attempt to make good on New Year’s resolution to lose 12 pounds. Make healthy meals and work out five times a week for first 3 weeks. Then two times a week for a month. Then, oh, never. Sound familiar? Maintaining your diet and exercise enthusiasm can be the trickiest part of the weight-loss equation. But before you give in to the Twinkies demon perched on your shoulder, check out these proven motivation boosters.

1. Have Lots Of Sex

First off, it’s pretty damn fun. But it can also keep you on the slim track. Having an orgasm releases the same endorphins in your brain that eating chocolate does–without the calories. And research shows that the more weight you lose, the better your sex life gets: A Duke University study found that even a 10 percent reduction in weight (that’s 15 pounds if you weigh 150) resulted in major improvements in all areas of the participants’ sex lives, including arousal, feelings of attractiveness, and enjoyment of sexual activity (read: oodles of Os).

18 Great Sex Tips to have amazing sex all month long

2. Make A Promise

It’s really hard to blow off a commitment you’ve made to lots of people. For example, “joining an athletic event to raise money means if you default on your training, you’re not just letting yourself down but also the charity and everyone who sponsored you,” says New York City-based Dan Hamner, M.D., author of Peak Energy. Go to stepbystep?fundraising.com and click on Athletic Events to find one near you. Choose something strenuous enough that you’ll need to train seriously in advance. (Triathlon, anyone?) Some groups, including Team in Training for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Foundation (teamintraining.org), even provide free coaching for participants nationwide.

3. Enlist Fido

Consider adopting a fuzzy friend if you don’t have one already. Studies show that owning a dog can help you drop pounds. Why? Come rain, sleet, or snow, you’ve got to get your butt outside with pooch a few times a day (unless you really want urine-soaked carpets). What’s more, most pet owners say they don’t want to let down their exercise-starved doggy at walk time. It’s another version of rule number 2.

Not only Fido can help you keep off the weight. Here are 4 Ways to Gain Support From Family and Friends

4. Rock out

A recent study by the North American Association for the Study of Obesity found that women are more likely to stick to an exercise program if they listen to music while working out. So thank God for jogtunes.com. The site lets you select your workout pace, then download playlists of songs with bpm’s (beats per minute) that match your heart rate. For example, if yours gets up to about 150 bpm when you exercise (the mid to upper target range for a healthy 30-year-old woman), songs like the Killers’ “Mr. Brightside” are perfect.

5. Get Out Your Sexiest Skinny Outfit

You know that yogurt commercial where a woman takes a teeny-weeny yellow polka-dot bikini and hangs it on her wall to help motivate her to lose weight? She’s one smart cookie. “I tell clients to take out an outfit they love and haven’t been able to wear for a long time,” says Christopher Warden, C.S.C.S., a personal trainer in New York City. “Just pulling it out of the closet serves as a visual reminder of the goal they’re trying to accomplish.”

Look Sexier, feel great and get back into you favorite pair of jeans.

6. Lift The Weight You’ve Lost

A great way to keep yourself from sliding into what-the-hell eating mode when your weight loss plateaus: Use dumbbells that correspond to the number of pounds you’ve already dropped. You can’t possibly forget how far you’ve come when you’re straining to complete three sets of triceps kickbacks with a 10-pound weight. Feel how much you’re struggling to lift? That used to be on your butt!

7. Get Gabbing

Reams of studies prove that support from other people can keep you motivated to lose weight. And a new study from the University of Kansas shows that dieters who get counseling over the phone lose just as much as those who get it face to face. So if you can’t make that 5 p.m. Weight Watchers meeting, check out Bally’s Built to Fit weight-loss and nutrition program at ballynutrition.com, which offers weekly 15­minute phone sessions starting at $1 per minute.

8. Call on your inner cheapskate

You don’t blow off the dentist, even though having your teeth drilled is about the most un-fun thing you can imagine. Why? Because you’ll get charged whether you show or not. Consider buying a package of personal training sessions and scheduling all your appointments now. Ditto with yoga or dance classes: Buy a bunch in advance and sign up at the same time. Who would throw away workouts that are already paid for?

9. Become a class regular

Join a group exercise class and make friends with your fellow regulars. Seeing your pals will inspire you to attend even when you feel like playing hooky. The guilt factor–always highly motivating–can help here too. After all, in a place where everybody knows your name, they’ll also know when you’ve missed a workout.

10. Get rubbed

A new study from Ohio State University shows that women who accept their bodies are more likely to have better eating habits. And decadent as it may sound, getting a massage can help with that. “Allowing themselves to be touched by another person–even when they aren’t at their ideal weight–can help women become more comfortable with their bodies,” says Mitch Klein, a licensed massage therapist in New York City.

11. Face your reflection

When you feel fat you probably shun mirrors. Turns out you should do the opposite. A study in the International Journal of Eating Disorders found that mirror-exposure therapy–staring at your bod in the mirror and stifling the usual criticisms of your thighs–can improve body image, which, as we said in rule 10, can help keep you committed to healthy eating. Try it: Speak to your reflection without using any negatively charged words. For example, instead of “I have a huge butt,” say, “My waist looks smaller thanks to my curves.”

12. Chart your progress

Weight loss is serious business. Treat it that way. Weigh yourself every morning–a study in the Annals of Behavior Medicine shows that people who do daily weigh-ins are more successful losers–and write the number down. (We like the Tanita HD-351 digital scale, which displays your current weight plus the number from your previous weigh-in; $64, amazon.com.) If you’re even vaguely computer savvy, it’s a snap to create a chart with a fever line that shows the pounds dropping away over time. When you get discouraged–say, you haven’t lost a pound in a week–seeing your long-term progress will boost your motivation.

13.Score some free stuff

There’s no motivation like saving money. And since insurance providers want you to stay healthy so you don’t develop expensive diseases like diabetes, some offer perks that make getting fit easier. Highmark Blue Cross Blue Shield, for example, gives its members discounts to certain gyms and free consultations with a dietitian. Check with your provider.

Related Links

8 Reasons To Hit The Gym

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Shed weight fast with a Beginners Running Program From Women’s Health

How do you keep your eye on the prize? Tell us what works for you.